the adventures of pj funky

So... went to Sydney, came home from Sydney, quit my jobs, packed up my stuff, said my goodbyes, now this is my sundown. Goodbye lovely times...

Returned to Sydney (with $270 worth of excess luggage!!).

THE END.

Stay tuned for the novel and / or screenplay. All i need is a title. Best option so far: The Tart and the Queer. Maybe it should be cocktease... still debating this one.

well, okay, so i spoke just a bit too soon then. Things, once again, have changed a lot.

Firstly, Stu got transferred to Melbourne for 10 weeks, so he's gone until after Christmas. Until yesterday it was just myself and Joe in the house, except i was hardly in the house because i'm still working 2 jobs. Home is where the sleep is.
Now, however, I've got my Kenny back and things are looking up. I also had some sleep last night, so that was nice. I had some more this afternoon and that was nice too. Tonight i'm looking forward to plenty more nice sleep.

Alone. Yup, that's right. Melanie and i are no longer a we. But now there's all sorts of gossip and scandal at work, because we never announced our newfound singleness. And then last week she started seeing one of the other guys from work. So now the mouths are churning and we're both getting sympathy from different people depending on what story they've heard or chosen to believe. It's all a bit curious. Well, i manage to find the humour in it anyway.

As you may already know, i'm returning to Sydney next week for some job hunting / interviews etc. It is at this stage most likely that i'll be re-uprooting and dragging my vacuum-packed bags of stuff back east early next year. Which is both happy and sad, for various reasons and depending on how certain things turn out. But hey, time will tell.

This move means a few things: i have to sell my stuff, which is okay because i was getting kind of sick of climbing into and out of bed. When you're not getting as much sleep as me, you'll know that if you have to make an effort just to get into bed it's simply not cool. So the bed's gotta go. Also the cheap-arse bikes and the funky fridge. And with all the money i'm saving up working 2 jobs and from selling stuff, i'm possibly gonna buy a little car. But we'll see about that. I fell in love with a little Festiva the other day, but it passed in at $5000, so it was well out of my price range. But hey, time will, as always, tell.

Anyways, i'm offski to eat and sleep now. Seeyall soon.

Well then. Two weeks and everything has changed. In brief:

The Fresias are no longer in bloom. This kinda sucks, because they smell nice. They are, in fact, my favourite flower. Oh well…

Melanie is no longer moving, I think. After I left for Sydney I found out that she was maybe moving in with an old friend. Two weeks later and this is apparently no longer an option – constant marriage proposals will do that to a friendly relationship, huh?

I have a new job. Well, it’s an old job but it’s new ‘cos today was my first day. But it’s the first telemarketing job I went for. It’s better than the one I did a day at before I left for sydney, because a) it’s not cold-calling, it’s calling previous Vodafone customers and getting them to re-sign, and b) it’s a better pay arrangement for fewer hours. Hooray!

I have now become a graduate. I also now have some kind of direction in my life: I discovered that I can do Law School online in Perth via the Sydney law school. So it may be “back to school to show daddy that I’m not a fool” (– Billy Madison) quite soon. Hmmm… that plus working two jobs may suck quite a lot.

I now have musical instruments and prospects in Perth. I brought my guitar and indian tabla (hand percussion) back with me, so I’m gonna get some of that happening again. Plus, Menteke’s famed guitarist and frontman Arabian Dave is thinking of heading west for a month or so in order to reunite the band for a gig or two. At the same time my brother will be moving to the UK in November, leaving my car behind. So a road trip across the Nullabor may be in order. Unfortunately Stu’s work is thinking of sending him to Melbourne for a while, so things are once again up in the air. Isn’t it exciting!?!

My computer seems to be dying a noisy death. This sucks a bit.

I think I laughed at something Rove said or did last night. This is leaving me with a hollow, dirty, bewildering feeling. Thankfully it’s unlikely to happen again.

Our back patio paved-bit that would be called a garden if it was dirty thingie now gets a nice amount of sunshine. Previously you had to sit right in the corner to catch some sunlight, and that was only early in the day or late in the afternoon. In the two weeks since I’ve been gone it has become quite different – I got sunburn with breakfast yesterday. Could have had some with arvo tea too, if I’d eaten any (and taken off my shirt and sat outside for long enough).

During my first week in Sydney, was longing to get back to the secluded security of Perth. During the last few days I’ve found more reasons to want to be back in Sydney… perhaps I was born to pine?

However, some things don't change. A person at the iOTA gig was cracking on to me (or at least talking very personally whilst invading my personal space). She looked like a girl, said her name was Dan, her best friend was a lesbian, her ex-boyfriend was a poof, she wanted to sleep with Syd (iOTA's ex drummer) and was i "loving" iOTA? It was a very confusing and confronting conversation. Then a girl i met in Sydney couldn't see why people think i'm gay. I return to Perth and a girl i meet tells me i'm "effeminate" (because i'm caring - yeah, nice cover-up) and asks if my ex is a boy or girl. Whatever it is, people still think i've got it (and am in denial). Meh...

I have nothing else to say really. Except that if any of you need a new phone let me know and I’ll give you a call from work and try to hook you up with something.

Excrement.

Had haircut... surprisingly happy with result. Also found hair product with ability to control my hair. Amazed... however not surprised when shampoo failed to remove said product.

Have begun to write blog in style of Bridget Jones. Still think that her and Darcy shouldn't have ended up together - she only liked him because he liked her first. Reciprocity... not good, in my opinion. Ocities, in my opinion, are never good.

Remembered something amusing i thought "shall have to write this in the blog" about: A few weeks ago i was having lunch in the park (the one in Subi i discovered while lost in the rain on my bike - you know, the one with the moat?) with Melanie. It was a lovely sunny day, kiddies were playing in the big TV they have there (it's a swanky neighbourhood, so they have swanky playthings). The best thing was that the council workers had the trucks parked on the grass with a tennis net strung between them, witches hats marking the lines, and were merrily (albeit badly) playing tennis in their lunchbreak. Then they packed up and drove away. Well, they tried to - one of them tried to drive between a tree and the bench we were sitting on and a garbage bin and got all tangled up with his trailer and made a big dent in the tree and hurt his car and needed much instruction to remedy his predicament.

Went out after work last night... for the first time we went somewhere heterosexual. It wa a club called "base" and tey were playing old-school music and it was really small and stuff, but okay. Then we went to the gay club... Stu and Ken met up with us and came in, then Ken kinda freaked out and we left. Not freaked out freaked out, but he was getting eyes from a cross-dresser in scary make-up and then we got bored and left. He said he was shocked, and wouldn't be able to wank for a week. But things are funny, not seedy, when said in a Thai accent. Try it.

Finally made it to the Cott for the Sunday Session tonight. Very cool. A bit like the Newport Arms hotel, but the beer garden is covered. Lots of very cute girls too.

Am hoping to apply for many day jobs tomorrow. Wish me luck.

Didn't get into Human Traffic. Not too bothered by this - aren't all drama societies quite cliquie? that's so not how you spell that word / colloqiualism.

Had Friday night off, but the boys were away, so i went with Mel to her Karaoke semi-final. She really can sing (said with emphasis, not shock and surprise)!! She got through to the grand final. And she does seem to have boys/men crawling all over her. Strange that i am unaffected, and yet she chose me... but we don't analyse this too much.

it's been quite some time since i caught you all up on events, and i'm sitting here on a rainy monday morning so i thought "what the hell, i'll go write some more."

So then, what have i been up to? Let's see what i can remember:
- working 5 nights a week. Normally starting at 6pm or sometimes 4pm or even midday. We close at midnight during the week or 1am on friday and saturday nights, so i normally finish around 12:30 or 1:30 depending on how busy it's been. Often we sit around and have a few drinks after work so i get home 2 or 3ish. It really sucks having to work nights though because it means i miss out on most social events that i love - comedy and theatre-ish stuff, bands, hanging out. I'm a bit over it, and i've asked to cut down on the number of night shifts i'm doing. This week will be just 4, which is nice.

- the usual monday afternoon bowling. That's still fun. It's just me and Karen and Tessa, and we go during happy hour plus we're 'frequent bowlers' so we get 3 games plus shoes for $10. It's cool. Last week Sarah and Karen and I went on tuesday, and while we were waiting for Sarah to arrive we were watching the old fogies bowl. Some of them were quite good, and they were having a great time giving eachother high fives and stuff. It was great. But the best thing was their names... they had the best names ever and i'm going to steal them for my stories. I'll go back this week and write them all down. The only one i remember right now was Daphne Zinkler. How good a name is that?!? It's perfect...

- Stu and I have been indoor rock-climbing twice a week. It's good but hard. I'm improving though, which is nice. We're trying to train up so we can go outdoor climbing. We know a few people who do it that we can tag along with, so it's pretty exciting. Well, i'm looking forward to it anyway.

That's been pretty much my standard week since i last wrote. But here's a few other recent things i can recall:
- hooked up with Melanie for a while. It was pretty wierd that it happened... it certainly wasn't planned or foreseen. Here's how it played out: The Titz Housewarming... you all know about it. 'Twas a grand old evening. Mel and Francie (a girl from Stu's work) were there, but decided to go clubbing in Northbridge for a while to get groped. Upon hearing this, Stu and I tried to convince them not to leave our rocking party. So i started groping them, telling them they didn't have to go anywhere. Then Stu picked them both up by the bum and we took the "lotto" photo of Stu you see on the photo site. They soon left anyway, promising to return soon.
All was good and well, party continued without them. Then people started heading home, and the party was winding down. Then Mel and Francie returned, we all hung out blah de blah. Francie went home (even though she wanted to stay and shag Stu) and Mel stayed. She chose to stay in Stu's bed, and hey! who wouldn't right? So we all went to bed... in the morning she wandered into my room and jumped into bed with me. Cuddling ensued.
A few nights later she came over to stay with me and get more cuddles, and one thing didn't lead to another. I told her she was cool and all that, and i wanted to kiss her, but i didn't want a relationship and all that crap. She said cool, she didn't either, so we began a casual thing.
Oh shit, i just remembered that my family reads this blog... oops. Oh well, they were young and immoral once too, surely.
Anyway, after about 3 weeks Mel said she wanted more than just a casual thing. I didn't really think it would work, there being no big spark for me. So i did the right thing and told her i didn't think it would work, and we called it off.
Then a few days later i thought "ah, what the hell" and she asked me out and i said ok. Time will tell whether or not that was a prudent decision on either of our behalves... hmm, do two behalves make a bewhole? Or is where honey comes from?

- i have had extreme withdrawals from performing and general silliness. There are few people over here who could handle me being my usual silly self... and it's killing me. I've given up on the whole starting up of theatresports over here. I can't go and hassle Sarah's impro class for insurance reasons, and the person she thought would be really into it is in Melbourne. Bummer hey? But i looked up some theatre stuff and went along to one of Mel's rehearsals last weekend. The play was okay from what i saw. The guys seemed really cool, the girls your fairly standard drama types (dramac people excepted) and nothing special. They had auditions for their next production, Human Traffic, yesterday... so i decided to go along.
I was a bit nervous, because Dramac had not prepared me for the real world. For starters, i had more than two days' notice for the audition. Wierd huh? Plus they wanted a prepared monologue... prepared?!? Not even the directors have to prepare anything for dramac auditions! I was shocked and stunned... but i got over it. I didn't know what to do for my monologue though... they wanted 1-2 minutes of modern, no shakespeare. I thought of the quote from Dirty Harry - you know, the "i know what you're thinking, punk" one. Then i thought "they wanted no shakespeare, so obviously i have to do Dirty Harry in the style of shakespeare." (And yes, i think in italics and bold, but no capital letters.) That was all good, but it thought i'd better look at other things just in case.
The libraries here suck. I looked for plays... the catalogue is devoid of Neil Simon (except a video), Tom Stoppard, Samuel Beckett. The only plays they have are shakespeare. How shit is that? So i had to resort to movies and the internet. I looked up the "if you go i go Rose" bit from Titanic, and also a few bits from Dead Poets Society. Then i had a revelation shile cleaning the bathroom - if you use Jiff instead of window cleaner, it gets the scum off the shower screen a lot more effectively. Also, why not do the monologue as modern shakespeare... and by that i mean Keanu Reeves. So the "do i feel lucky" thing was again extracted.
But then i thought - hey, why fuck around? I've never really tried this acting thing much, and i might as well now. So i went with something from Dead Poets to try to give them a bit of me... i think it went okay. I'll know in a few days. But it really sucked at the audition because they'd had their closing night party from another show the night before and so they were all hung over and shit. So i was there all bouncy and trying to warm myself up and everyone was just sitting around being boring and talking about stuff i had no idea about and generally ignoring me. It sucked. Fuckers...

- i bought a funky / fugly brown corduroy jacket for $2. It has big brown buttons that don't fit through the button-holes. It's great, if a little small.

- For the last few weeks Tuesday nights have been devoted to Salvo training. I signed up for the Salvo Care Line, so they're teaching us how to listen and deal with crises and stuff. It's fairly interesting, the people are nice, but i'm not sure about the religion thing...

- had an idea for a film noir musical romantic comedy the other day... don't expect anything soon though. But i will do Kilian proud with the endless puns.

- did the City to Surf 4km walk last weekend. That was cool. I nearly broke some kid's wrist i think. We (Ken, Sherrie and Shane) walked the first 3kms then decided to run the last. So i was running around like a fool, hurdling things and generally scaring middle-aged women. Then i was running around the oval at the end, and there were people lined up around the track. I saw that one kid had his arm out for a high-five, so i made my way over to him and slapped his hand. From the corner of my eye i saw his whole arm recoil behind his body... Shane later informed me that he was right behind me and was going to give the kid five as well but didn't get a chance because he was still recoiling. Hehe, funny.

- the weather has been lovely most of the time. I got some chairs from a friend from work - her boyfriend got deck chairs that no-one wanted from a cruise ship. So we put them out the front and sit around eating fruit salad and other such delights. I got a lovely sunburn last sunday that has only just begun to lose its glow. It's a great life!

- Aside from all that, i haven't really done a whole lot. I haven't achieved anything amazing yet, but upon realising this decided that i don't have to. I'm living out of home, working fulltime, enjoying life, and doing pretty well. So fuck it! It'll drive the parents crazy but life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you might miss it.


WA is different to the East Coast. For starters, they call "Schoolies" "Leavers". How funny. Also, they're a bit behind the rest of Australia... there was an article in the paper the other week about a speaker-selling scam - where a guy goes around selling thousand-dollar speakers really cheap because they're excess stock etc. I remember that being mentioned again (in passing) in Column 8 about 5 years ago. Oh, also P-platers here have 12 points on their licence. How fucked is that? The WA govt is thinking of changing it to 9 points to be more in line with other states. Hello, 9?? And they wonder why so many kids drive recklessly. Fuck me they're dumb! And it's illegal to have candles in restaraunts. What? And they don't know how to merge... two lanes will suddenly become one lane, with a sign that says "one lane" just as it happens. But even where people have notice (ie a parked car) they can't figure it out. They just kind of keep driving until God intervenes. And on the freeway there's no right of way for merging. You know how in normal places it'll say "left lane ends" or something. Nup, it just goes from fast lane and slow lane to one lane. And WA people do have an accent. I didn't notice it at first, or at least didn't pay attention to it. But one of the backpackers from work said Australia does have different accents, and i realised that they do speak a bit differently over here. It's hard to pinpoint how it's different, but i think they enjoy the vowels a bit more.

so there you go...

Things I've Learnt: It's hard to remember what you've done in the last month or so... or at least, things interesting enough to mention.

Rock & Tree of the Day: Memory & Middle-Aged Woman

more photos kiddies... the grand Titz Hotel housewarming party. just a few for now, more to come soon.

http://homepages.ihug.com.au/~pjlead/party%20pix/titz%20housewarming/

ps. yes, my hair looks really bad. it is really bad. what's worse: it's natural! thank tommy for managing to make it look at least deliberately stupid in sydney!!

blog dead? that sucks... oh well, we'll wait and see.

bones to flesh: like the terminator, my stories have a strong skeleton. but now i need to convince the tissue to grow around it to allow it to pass for human. this is not an easy task, but i'll give it a go... see, i'm already working in metophors. and pop-culture references too! i'll be famous in no time...

take one large ship. add ice.

place uranium in concrete container. heat.

take kevin costner. let him direct.


recipe for a miracle:
take moses. stand in water.

take one fish, jesus, loaf of bread. serves 100.

Have decided to start bathing in bore water in order to cultivate a cheap yet fashionable fake tan.

Friday, 1 Month & 2 Days after arrival:

i'm home. South was good. But rather than blurt bits of it out now, i'll wait until i have a nice lazy afternoon to write all about my Great South-Western Road Trip and put up some photos and stuff. It'll be an event worth waiting for. For me, anyway...

However, the big news is that i passed my courses last semester, so i am now officially a graduand. I qualify for a degree, i just have to come back to sydney to pick it up sometime. And knowing Mac Uni, they've freaking lost it or something. Fuckers.

No, the big news is that i'll be home for graduation and, most likely, Conception Day. Party party party!

Also, i am now inspired for a NSW road trip when i get home, whenever that is. We'll get a bunch of people, jump into some cars with good music and walkie talkies, and we'll cruise around and just do whatever takes our fancy for a week or so. 'Cos that's pretty much what i've been doing for the last few days - just cruising around and doing whatever there is to be done, including randomly meeting, talking to and drinking with the locals. It's great! And it must be done again... probably around this time next year. Or perhaps we can road trip it down to the Melbourne Comedy Festival / Falls Festival or up to Byron. Fuck man, who cares so long as we have fun.

My dad arrives tomorrow, so i'll probably be all busy again until tuesday. But i'm still doing my best to get some com rev skits happening. Am i doing okay? I think so... it's kind of hard to edit stuff when i have no idea of how it's been evolving since it left my fingers... oh well, i'm sure it's in good hands. I'm not precious about it, so whatever happens to it is cool, so long as it is made fun or funny.

By the way - and i'm sure you've noticed this already - this blog as rapidly become less a document of events and more me typing late at night after work. But hey, get used to it. I've already been through what's happened to me, and i've even started thinking about how i'll write about what's happening as it happens. Then i've often spoken to various groups of people about it, so i'm quite bored with it by the time i actually sit down to put it in writing. Consequently, this blog will soon mutate / evolve / degenerate into something quite different. Once i've written about my GSWRT, and once it's too late for com rev stuff, i'm going to do what i came here to do - write. So this blog will probably become my scrapbook and be filled with whatever i've written lately. It will also become quite interactive for a while, because i'm going to look to you guys for inspiration for short stories and the like. But it will also probably be filled with late night semi-inebriated ramblings because what else is there to do on the internet these days? so, having said all that... i'll see you in a few days.

sweet?
sweet.
pete

Day... what is it now? 25 maybe...

Thursday anyway:

Slept in. It was glorious! You should have seen me, ignoring the phone (answering it requires leaping out of bed... not good in a sleepy state. Half-asleep, that is, not Western Australia), ignoring SMSs. It wasn't until iOTA called on my mobile that i finally woke up. But he said "Have you just woken up?" and i went "yeah" and he said he'd talk to me another time. It's wierd... anytime someone calls and wakes me up, i feel really bad and am just really agreeable. It's as though i feel sprung being asleep, and i'm letting people down and being lazy. It's wierd...

Anyway, i don't think i did anything amazing on Thursday. I went to work, finished early 'cos we were quiet, had a few drinks, and then walked home. On the way home i came across a girl and a guy. They were kind of tousling, and she was yelling at him. I couldn't tell if they were serious or joking at first, so i got a bit defensive. But it turns out they were just kidding around. He was Dave, she was Laura. It was his birthday, she was drunk. They're from England, and they're staying a few streets from me, so i'm going to go say hello sometime when they're sober. But it was nice spontaneously meeting people.

Came home, went to bed late, woke up very late. I didn't get up until after 1pm, which is crazy for me. But my body obviously needed it, so it's okay. I've been feeling partly under the weather still - sometimes i'm fine, other times i have sniffles and headaches. But oh well...

Friday:
I got up, made myself some lunch, then sat out the front to catch some sun. It was probably not the best idea to sit outside with no shirt on, but the sun helped me to feel alive, so i guess that makes it okay.

I was reading one of my "how to write fiction" books and it was telling me that i should start to explore who i am by writing autobiography. And i thought "how boring is that, writing about myself" and then i realised that i pretty much do write about myself every few days on the blog. So i'm thinking of opening up and being more honest and sharing my emotions, but then i think "wait, these people know me and i'll probably have to see them again someday" so i may not do that after all. But be warned that stuff may slip out. I've realised that i get quite honest when i drink, and i often have a few drinks after work and then come home to write...

I started trying to get my Legal Clerkship applications together the other day - this is kind of like an apprenticeship for 12 months to get me my qualification to practice law - but realised that i didn't bring any of the stuff i need. And i don't remember where i left it at home, so oops... maybe i won't be doing that after all. Oh well, makes the decision a whole lot easier huh?

Went to Karen's this afternoon to have a chat about the holiday. All sounds pretty good. Then Sarah and David came around with fish and chips (yes, this little kitten finally ate fish) and then we went to see a play (Carpe Jugulum) at Curtin Theatre tonight. I realised when i read the program that it's not actually a Curtin Uni production, they're just using the theatre. But it's a really nice theatre for a uni. I was quite jealous. The play seemed a bit long, though, and some of the acting was quite annoying me - just the way they played some characters and stuff. Nothing specific, because i wasn't being critical, just enjoying myself and laughing at things no-one else was... But some of the accents made it really hard to understand what they were saying.

I was supposed to meet little Karen and Tessa at a gig in the city, but decided to pike because it was cold and it cost money and we're seeing the bands next thursday down south anyway. So now i'm here all on my own (don't know where ken's gone, but he took his car this morning) and about to embark on some writing - maybe com rev, maybe something more personal... we shall see.

This may be my last post in a little while: I'm leaving on Sunday to go south until Friday afternoon, then Dad's arriving on Saturday and leaving Tuesday i think... so there may not be anything for a week or so. But i'll try to keep you up to date with stuff when i can, even if it's just a quick note or a story or something.

Things I've Learnt: "Strew" is a word - it's a transitive verb, the past tense of which is the more popular "strewn." So if something has been strewn around the room, someone strew it. It has been strewed. Cool huh?

Rock and Tree of the Day: Sniffles & Theatre

okay, okay. sorry it's taken so long to write again... i was actually going to come home tonight and get a really good sleep seeing as i'm a bit run down at the moment and feeling like i'm coming down with a cold. but i'm feeling rather lucid after a few baileys and creme de cacao on ice, so i might as well start some catch-up work...

where to begin? how about where i left off last time.

Weekend 3:
Week 3 brought the 2nd day of no rain since i've been here. On Saturday i woke up early to the news that my bed would be delivered later that morning. We (Stu and Ken were home - weekend days are some of the only times i'll actually see my housemates for more than a few minutes at a time) had breakfast then waited with baited breath (ew, prawns!) for the much anticipated arrival of 'lofty'. Eventually the nice man turned up and we brought it in bits up to my room. He (let's call him David, because that's his name) gave me a wuick run-through of where all the bits went, and also gave me a disk with a bunch of photos of the bed in various stages of undress. It's very sexy. I must share it with you sometime...

The delivery out of the way, us boys headed into Subiaco (Subi) to see the markets and get food and stuff. Stu and myself were pretty much skint (if that means strapped for cash, which i think it kind of does... actually, i think it means more like tightarsed and stingy, but it'll do for now) so we could only really afford food and not much else. So we had cheap lunch at the markets, sitting in the courtyard in the lovely sun, listening to the dixieland tunes of a jazz duo. It was very cool...

i had a quick look at the market book store (as i am wont to do) and found a book called "The Towers" with a picture of the trade center towers in the cover. I read the blurb, and it was about an american CIA agent who was being hunted down by terrorists who had declared war on america. It was published in 1996. Spooky!

Then we stocked up on fresh fruit and veges, then went to woolies and got other household stuff.

Came home and started to put the loft bed together. Eventually i called in re-inforcements and together we eventually got it done. It's quite cool, but not quite as sturdy as i had hoped. I fear the day it sees any kind of action (not really!), for it may perish under the strain. Oh well, at least it will go out with a "squeak squeak bang!"

So yeah, i'm currently writing this message from under my bed. Pretty cool. How many people can claim that?

Then headed to work. Work was fairly quiet and disappointing, as it had been the night before. Oh well, they keep telling me that summer is the time to be here. Lucky for me i'll still be here then, then.

After work i was going to go and meet Tony for dirnks with his friends, but ended up piking seeing as i had no money with which to buy drinks. So i came home, had dinner and a shower, and was just about to settle in for some blogging when the boys returned home. Jen (stu's latest lovely lady) was with them and was quite wasted. I went down and joined them in some drinks (stu's caipriosca is indeed all he has talked it up to be). Jen was quite crazy and beat the crap out of kenny before stu managed to pacify her. She then fell asleep on the couch. We could tell because she snored much like a bear might, if a bear snored. I guess now would be the time to find out, being winter and all. Because bears hibernate in the winter, you see. But then, there's no bear in australia, so maybe it wouldn't be the time to find out after all, because they have bears in North America but it's summer there now. Do they have bears in the southern hemisphere at all? they have polar bears, of course, but if they hibernated when it got cold... well, they'd never wake up would they? This is not to suggest that bears don't sleep unless they're hibernating, or that they only snore when they're hibernating... i just mean that i wouldn't like to venture into the woods to see some bears unless i knew that they were asleep (on the balance of probabilities, given the sleeping patterns of bears in relation to he season and the availability of porridge). Anyway, she snored long and bassy and dreamed of hunny.

Then, in the morning, she asked me if i was home when they were downstairs drinking. Needless to say, i was slightly insulted. But at least i don't snore.

Sunday we had breakfast outside in the sun. Speaking of sun, let me tell you a little bit about our unspoken (until kenny said something) laundry arrangement: i do mine during the week, the boys do theirs on the weekend. It seems only fair to let them have priority on their days off.

So, i spent thursday and friday doing my laundy and hanging my stuff up on the little flimsy portable drying rack, carrying it outside into the windy sun when it's not raining, and carrying it back inside before it rains. This is a process that can be repeated several times a day, and the clothing still won't be dry. As a result, my clothing has gone all wierd and stretchy and funny. But not ha ha funny.

Saturday and sunday were bright, sunny days. The boys did their washing, got it dry, brought it back inside. Sunday night, it started pissing down. Reset 'days with no rain' counter to zero. Total days with no rain since i arrived: two out of 21. Not good odds, perth. I'm not impressed, and i came from sunny pymble (the suburb with the second highest rainfall in sydney).

But i digress. Sunday we ventured into Freemantle (Freo) to check out the shops and markets and seafood. I know it has some fans (most notably Tessa), but Freemantle Markets suck arse! Big time fat arse at that. It was more of a crafty market, which i really don't like. You sholuld save that shit for church drives and school fetes and granny shit. I like my markets funky! It also had some stores which sold normalish stuff, but it was all more expensive than retail prices. I mean, guys, do you not understand the market concept? it's supposed to be cheap and dodgy!

But the boys got seafood so they were happy. It was also interesting to note that Maccas has the prime position on the waterfront shopping bit. Upon reflection, it was not all that interesting to note. Sorry...

Came home. Went to work. It was mostly quiet and boring again. Except that it rained a lot, and someone pushed a guy's head through a glass window across the road. But, once again, i missed all the action. Days without rain: 2. Fights outside my work: 3. Come on Perth, that's a pretty dismal ratio. It's not doing the tourism industry and favours.

Week 1 brought a job. Week 2 brought a house. Week 3 brought a funky bed. I eagerly await what Week 4 shall bring...

WEEK 4:

Monday morning brought rain. Lots of it too. I really didn't feel like getting out of bed (especially seeing as that now requires a safety harness and abseiling equipment) but had a special appointment i wanted to keep. So, braving the rain and the cold and my feeling under the weather (probably as a result of being constantly in the weather), i hopped on my bike.

Now, did i mention before that my back brakes no longer work? Well, they don't. So i was relying on one set of brakes. Now, in the rain, the wheel rims get wet and therefore slippery. They brakes therefore only function at about 5% efficiency. I only had one set.... you do the maths. I didn't have time to as i was hurtling towards the very busy road in the rain. This was a bad situation. It simply would not do! I had to put my foot down. It scraped a lot, but finally brought me to a graceless halt.

Eventually i made it to my destination: the local library. And why? Storytime.

At 10:45am Mondays and Thursdays the library has storytime for the little kids. It was so cute. The first story was about a bad-tempered ladybug. The story guy asked if the kids knew what a ladybug was, and some of them said yes. Then he asked if anyone could catch one, and one of them said no. But then this little girl sitting in front of me said "i can. i caught two once!" and then the boy next to her said "i can't, but my sister can. that's my sister..." and pointed to the girl who caught two. It was adorable.

In the story, the bad-tempered ladybug goes around asking various creatures if they want to fight. The first time he did this, the "my sister" kid said "you're not allowed to fight." This sparked another boy into saying "i don't like fighting" and another girl "i don't like fighting either." It was gold.

But the story man wasn't all that great. He asked the kids if they knew what the creatures were from the pictures, and the kids knew of course. But he didn't get them to interact and make animal noises and stuff.

The second story was about a slug. It was all in alliteration on the letter 's', with other animals telling him to stop. I got very bored, as i didn't see the point of them saying this and then disappearing from the story. At one point, storyman said that an animal squawked "stop" or whatever, and i thought "that animal doesn't squawk, and another animal already squawked something" and i looked up and, sure enough, storyman had read it wrong. Silly man. But yeah, eventually it turned out that the slug was climbing up a frog's back, and then the frog ate him. But well before then the kids lost interest and got restless. He really should have involved them more! I got bored too. I'm going to go to a few more, and maybe ask if i can do storytime sometime. I need an audience. I need to perform again. I'm going crazy!

I sat in the library for about an hour reading the newspaper, waiting for the rain to stop. it didn't. i rode home through the rain, wary of brakelessness. i was going to go shopping and do stuff, but it was miserable so i started writing com rev stuff. no gold as yet, still getting back into the write mood.

Karen and Tessa came over. We organised the usual monday night bowl. This time dinner was at the Titz though, and i cooked hokkien noodles with beef and tofu. it was okay. but it was a bigger affair this time: there were the Titz boys, of course, because we live here! Then there was Karen and Tessa. Little Karen piked because she's working full time during the holidays. Gareth couldn't come because he was working. But Nick came, and Sarah and David came, so it was cool. But Ken didn't come bowling... i don't think he gave a good excuse.

but yeah, it was fun. But not as fun as the Newt Celebration Bowl. And my bowling name was PJ Funky instead of Muffy. We ended up bowling 4 games. This paragraph kinda turned into point form hey? Oh well...

And then - because she wanted me to mention it on the blog - i had a telephone call from Alice Jean-Louise Wood. Also, while we're mentioning names, Stu now reads the blog. This makes conversation hard, because i'll tell him something and he'll say "yeah i know, i read that already..." So i'm going to start writing what i need to do so he can remind me. But now that i've said that i won't write what i need to do and see if he reminds me to write what i need to do so he can remind me. This may take some time, but i'll keep the rest of you posted as to the plan's progress.

Tuesday. ah. today. Well, yesterday if you're pedantic. But i'm not, so... today. Day 23.

Awoke feeling tired. Should have slept in more, but got up to go into the city. Tessa was going to a funky record store and i decided to tag along. Karen ended up doing the same. It was a pretty cool store. I saw the audioslave album on vinyl. Also saw the new iOTA album on CD, but didn't buy it because i can't afford it yet.

Posted some famous pre-baked bake-at-home cookies to Sydney so you guys can try them. Hopefully they'll arrive in about one or two pieces each, and still relatively crisp. Also, i hope there's enough to go around, because i think ken stole a few while the rest of us were bowling. Oh well, your loss not mine.

Oh yeah, i returned home on Sunday night to find "p e t e" spelt out in cookies. It was very cool. Gosh these boys are talented! So i ate 2 and left 'e t' to remind the boys to call their mother sometime.

Stopped by Harvey Norman on the way home and bought myself some more pillows - 2 for $10. Bargain! Then i went to the second hand furniture place between home and city west station. It was pretty cool - cheap stuff. A bit like the Bower in Marrickville, but it's mostly ex-office auction stuff i think. some house stuff though. i may have found us a dining table, but no chairs to goo with it yet. The lady said to check back on fridays or mondays. But they're open Saturday so i might go back with the boys. I got a hydraulic swivel office chair for $21! Now that's a freakin' bargain!! $30 with a 30% discount. So i wheeled it home across the freeway overpass. This is becoming some kind of habit! But i don't think we'll do the same with a dining table. Delivery is only about $10, so we may just do that. Seems a shame to break tradition though...

Worked tonight - i got friday off because i'm going to see a play at Curtin University. It's an adaptation of a Terry Pratchett novel - Carpe Jugulum. I'm quite excited, being a massive pratchett fan and all. I know there's a theatre company in adelaide that does pratchett stuff a lot, but as if i'm going to adelaide ever! Might also bug them about impro stuff...

Otherwise i'll probably head to UWA and try to start something there. I miss impro.

Oh, speaking of missing things (is this flow of thought or what?) i realised today that the Miss Maid cheap baguette shop i was telling you about is actually called "Miss Maud's". Woops! The difference is you! Glug glug ugly and all that.

Work was actually busy for a little while, which was a damn nice change. I was getting rather bored with quiet time.

I got the new batteries for the cordless phones today, and it works. Yay! Not that that affects any of you at all. Except maybe Stu.

And guess what: it also didn't rain today. That's 3 out of 23! Days without rain counter: One. It's freezing at night here, but then it was in Sydney too.

The paragraphs are getting shorter. The segues have disappeared. I should probably stop typing now.

thought of the day (well, it was actually the thought of monday night, but anyway): You know how they say horizontal stripes make you look fat, do you think that's why they invented ribbed condoms?

Things I've Learned: How to make a Flake cocktail (which Alice bought for me at Karleena's Birthday Drinks at the Sly Fox jam night. It was yummy!): One shot Khalua, one shot Bailey's, One shot Brown Creme de Cacao, One shot fresh cream. Blend with ice. Top with flakes of chocolate. Try it, it's good! If you like chocolaty milky drinks, that is. Otherwise, try something else!

also, i really don't like the way that italics (italics) look on this page. it kind of makes the words hard to read, and therefore lose emphasis. ironic really...

Rock and Tree of the Day: Ladybug & Market

party photos are up:
http://homepages.ihug.com.au/~pjlead/party pix/index.html


thankyous: AJ for taking the photos and for hosting karaoke, the parents for putting up the capital, alice & tam for returning the karaoke machine for me, tommy for returning the costume (don't worry, i kept the skirt), sarah for helping me load the stuff in, everyone who was there, you're all great and i miss you!!

sorry, got a bit sentimental...

now stop gawping and go look at the photos!

the tea tastes different over here. i've tried the same teabags as at home, but to no avail. mind you, i'm using different milk (there's about 5 different brands to choose from, just for full-cream milk! i'm used to 'real' milk, then cheap woollies or whatever supermarket milk. i think sydney has a milk-monopoly in its midst... but over here there's all kinds of brands, and there seems to be no leading brand vs cheaper ones. i'm quite confused. i've tried "brown's" to begin with: middle of the range, price-wise. seems fine, but there's nothing special about it), and different sugar (normally go the raw at home, but it's white all the way in perth). Even so, it just doesn't taste the same... even Byron tea tasted better than this, and that was during a water shortage! level 5 or something too! I'm putting it down to the water, you see. i'm sure it's different water to sydney - other side of the great dividing range and all...

anyone who has spent downtime with me will know that tea is an essential part of the relaxation routine. let's just hope i can find an acceptable combination of bags/milk/sugar/water soon, before i get too tense!!

didn't do a whole lot today. did some washing, hung it up, collected it shortly after when the rains began. it was so windy today! and then it rained too, heavily and constantly. very bad for drying clothing. also bad for carrying a queen mattress home. ken's mattress was bigger, heavier, and also bendier than mine. but the old 'carry it over the freeway' method worked the same. we probably got it home even quicker than mine, in fact, because we had the wind behind us.

work was quiet. i broke stuff. it was tragic. in 5 years at the cafe back in sydney i broke 4 things. today i broke two and a bit. i started by dropping a mug. then i dropped a glass. then i was taking the lid off a bottle of beer, and half the lip came off too... i still hold that it wasn't my fault, being an anomoly and a freak of nature, but it was still indicative of the kind of night i was having at work. i think i also have mutliple stab wounds from tiny shards of glass which have embedded themselves in my fingers. oh well, could be worse... i could have to put my hand in the McDonalds pickle bucket again... *shudder*

that's about all i've got to say about that... oh yeah, except for party photos! just messing with them now... won't be a moment...


Things i've Learnt: i don't know... nothing useful, that's for sure.

Rock and Tree of the Day: oh, i don't know. it'd have to be something broken... let's go with Bottle & Spirit.

Monday - day 15, 2 week anniversary:

pete wakes up. he has bruises on his hip, and not from anything fun. it's from the floor - the fact that he is sleeping on it. it is rather hard and unyielding, at least after about 8 hours it certainly seems to have become so. the bruise on his left hip from sleeping matches the bruise on his right hip from the freezer at work. there's nothing special about the freezer at work; it's just there. there, in a bad spot where it can easily be bumped into. i know: i've tried it. simple. don't even have to think about it.

monday i was stuck in the house. i spent about an hour in the morning calling rental places to find the cheapest deal on a 7kg or above washing machine. i found our lucky contender in the yellow pages - it's a place called "Perth's Cheapest Rentals" or something. they were too, by $1 per month.

they said they could deliver the machine on monday. i thought "sweet, i can wash stuff." the lady said she'd check my credit history etc and call me back and tell me when they could deliver it. she called back later and told me that they'd deliver it today - the delivery guy was going to have lunch and load up the truck, and we'd probably see him just after lunch. so i didn't go anywhere, because i had to be home.

karen and gareth came around to see the house. it was rather baren, because we have no furniture. and i could offer them no food or drink, because we don't have a fridge yet. i was going to karen's at 6 for dinner. they decided to wait with me for the delivery guy. time passed.

we played with my little yellow remote control mini. it was fun.

more time passed. we played with the mini. it was still slightly fun.

more time was born, grew old, and passed. the mini was still being played with, but mostly because it was the only form of entertainment. actually, that's not true.

we have a hi-tech security system in our house. we've got those little intercom video phone things, which link to a camera and intercom by the front gate. so we can see people at our gate and talk to them and let them in if we deem it desirable to do so. otherwise they can jump the fence or come in through the car gate, because it's unlocked and we don't have a key for the padlock. but anyway... gareth decided he'd use the intercom to try and talk to people walking past on the street. he tried this several times to no avail. then he played with the mini some more.

eventually the delivery guy called and said he'd probably be there around 5:30. we had to be at karen's at 6, so i said "hey, how about tomorrow? i have to wait around tomorrow for deliveries anyway!" he said he'd go back to the office and check and call me back. time haunted a group of school-children in the woods of north america, got bored and started appearing in old black & white photographs. he called me back, said tomorrow was fine. we finally left my house at about 5:20pm.

we got to karen's house just as nick was returning home and tessa - who was also coming around for dinner and was the reason we needed to be there at 6 - arrived. it was, i suppose, foruitous timing. we were right on time, which was either eerie or sick, depending on how you look at it, seeing as time was by now well and truly deceased.

we were making spaghetti sauce at karen's house, and tessa decided that she didn't want us to add fresh tomatoes (is there an 'e' in tomatoes? i think so) because she hated them. so we used canned tomatoes, which are basically fresh tomatoes cooked and put in a can. but somehow she was okay with this...

the sauce didn't taste right, so we started adding other ingredients, including fresh tomato. during this time, tessa got the hiccups. after a few minutes people were telling her it was annoying. so i grabbed a fresh tomato, held it up in her face, and went "weeurrrgh, fresh tomato. yaaargh!" afte which she squealed and then laughed a lot. we all laughed a lot. we laughed a lot more when we realised that i had actually managed to cure her hiccups. how cool is that? fruit is amazing....

then - oh, did i tell you about bowlercising (or bowl-a-cising depending on how commercial you want to get) last week? karen and tessa were supposed to go to self-defense classes last monday, but they piked. so we decided that they could still go bowling in their daggy tracky daks if we called it bowlercising. well, this time we couldn't go bowlercising, because tessa was wearing normal clothing. so we went swanky-bowling instead. or, if you need to give it a catchy hybrid name, i guess we went bowlerwanking. bumper-bowlerwanking actually.

then we got ice-cream, went home, watched "the one" - jet "nobody's bitch" li - and i crawled home to sleep on the floor again.

today was the first day since i've arrived in perth that it has not rained at all!

Tuesday, day 16.

woke up early, ready to accept deliveries. we've got a back little patio thing, and there's a side gate which leads to 32B's house and street access. however, at the street there's another security gate thing, but we don't have a key for it. we've tried to get one from 32B but they're never home. consequently all the deliveries would have to come through the front door. now, cleavage is a fairly new house, and we're only renting. so we're very precious about it, because the phrase "lose your bond" has humbling power. so delivering a fridge, couch, bed, outdoor setting, and washing machine through our front door was not a pleasant prospect.

as i was buttering (well, nutella-ing - there's no fridge to put butter in) my first piece of toast, the cash converters truck pulled up. they brought our stuff in (don't worry, i helped where i could) and i ate my toast. then, as i was buttering (you got it the first time? good on you) my second (yup, a growing boy needs sustenance) piece of toast the washing machine guy turned up. so i never got my second piece of toast.

but it didn't matter, because i had stuff! finally the place is beginning to come together. plus, on top of that, my mattress has arrived! i thought they might be nice enough to offer delivery seeing as they fucked me around, perhaps even a free pillow as a small gesture of 'woops we fucked you around,' but nope. nothing but "yep, it's here. come and get it because we don't normally store matresses here." fuckers! no, i use that term lightly but this time i mean they really are fuckers!

anyway, had a big day, but it's not all interesting in the middle so we go point form:
- got a bus to glendalough, walked to mel's, picked up my bike.
- rode back to glendalough, parked my bike. got a bus to innaloo shops (where i got my cheap yummy baileys the other day).
- went to k-mart. bought cordless phone, towels, blanket. the only colours they had left in the blankets was lime green or pastel pink. i got the lime one... it's gaudy but soft. hopefully the glare won't keep me awake!!
- walked back along scarborough beach rd, visiting ikea and WA salvage (cheap junk store - think reject shop but way bigger) and other such places.
- at some point it begins to rain. reset 'days without rain' counter to zero.
- walk back to glendalough, pick up bike, catch train closer to home. ride the rest of the way.
- get home, plug in phone to let it charge. walk down to city west to pick up mattress.
- pick up mattress - the guy knows exactly where my mattress is. evidently it is quite an anomoly to have a mattress sitting in a bed shop!
- wait a while. it is pissing down rain.
- stu and ken arrive to help me carry my mattress back over the freeway to the safety of my bedroom, where it should have been days ago.

So, it's pissing down rain, just after 5 o'clock so it's peak-hour traffic. three guys of different height are walking over the freeway overpass with a mattress resting on their heads. stu is on the phone, ken is happily bouncing the mattress on his head. pete, the shortest of the three (would you believe it?!) is leading the way and waving at people in cars who are staring and beeping.

we're doing the same thing on thursday night for ken.

get home, cook dinner.

at some point, pete asks ken if we can go for a drive. he has seen a bargain in the quokka.

the quokka, for those who don't know, is a rat-like creature that is native to rottnest island. in fact, when the dutch went to rottnest island, they saw a quokka and thought it was a rat. hence the name rottnest - dutch for "rat's nest". thanks billy connolly, you informative yet entertaining man who i've eaten dinner at an adjacent table to in the rocks. the quokka is also the name of the newspaper which is the equivanlent of the 'trading post', but with one small but vital difference - advertising your stuff in it is free! because of this small but vital difference, people advertise all kinds of stuff, and even have a section for free stuff!! well, anyone who knows me will know that i love a bargain.

but it was not a bargain that pete was hunting for this evening; pete had discovered a rarity! pete had bought a double mattress to go with his double sheets and double quilt (you may call it a 'doona', or 'duvet' if you're british". now he needed a double base (not the instrument) upon which to sit (well, lie really) his double mattress. his $80 per week short straw stu called tails room is a bit bigger that a double bed. consequently, some kind of space-saving design was in order. ikea was fresh out, so it was nearly pete will improvise with milk-crates time. this is not always a good time.

i'd had the idea of getting a bunk bed with a double bottom bed bit. then i could use the top bunk for something - probably storage. but the first idea i had, and one that i know others have had and will be quite jealous of me now, and the reason that i was asking ken to drive me a fair way to the north (a fair way to WAians, that is. it was actually about a 20 minute drive) was so i could buy a double loft bed. you read me right - a double loft bed.

for those of you who don't know, and therefore are not jealous just yet: a loft bed is like the top bunk of a double bunk, but without the bed underneath. therefore you can do all kinds of funky stuff with the space underneath. a double loft bed is hard to come by.

well, to make matters even better, this particular double loft bed comes with a desk and shelves built in underneath! and it was made by a carpenter, so it's all good and solid and, of course, timber. do you want to know how much it was? i'll bet you do, don't you? well, a single loft bed from ikea - and this is just the bed alone, not the matching shit you can buy to put underneath it - a single loft bed is about $360. and that's with a wire-sprung bed base. this one has slats, so it's solid man! and ikea don't even sell a double loft bed anymore! so guess how much i'm paying? $400! bargain! but wait, they have a 4wd and trailer, so they're delivering it to me!! oh man, it's just too much, i have to go lie down... and i can, because i have a mattress! oh happy day!

but it gets better - thankyou quokka!! - because straight after that we drove south to another house and ken bought idea bookshelves. he'd seen a bookshelf thing he liked in ikea - just tubular steel and wooden shelves. well, i saw ikea shelves in the quokka for less that half price. we cheked it out - it's not the same design, but it's still good. the lady bought them a few years ago on impulse and put them together but never used them. so they're in good nick. and she bought extra shelves, so it's really 3 sets of shelves if you put them side-by-side. $100! bargain! so they're in our will-be dining room.

oh, we've scrapped the dining/pool table idea. the room's too small. but we may get a fold-out pool table or fooz or air-hockey for parties and stuff. we'll still be the fun cleavage, don't worry. thought: because we're in a swanky cleavage house and we'll be having people stay here lots, maybe we should name our house The Titz Hotel.

so yeah, big day full of funky stuff - both accepting delivery of funky stuff and doing funky stuff and buying more funky stuff.

downside: the sawnky new cordless phone i bought doesn't work, and i don't know why. i'm convinced it's the phone and not me. i'm going to take it back soon i think. it says to charge it for 24 hours and as of 4am thursday it still doesn't work.

sleep the sleep of someone who finally has his own mattress! it's great. i sleep diagonally and drool heaps...

actually, i don't sleep straight away. i notice that from my bed i can see 2 of the 5 buildings of perth. they have really cool blue lights on them at night. it reminds me of the counting crows song. as i look at them, it once again starts pissing down. the sky lights up yellow (i'm guessing from the city light reflecting off the raindrops, but it's pretty wierd!) and the blue buildings disappear.


Wednesday, Day 17:

Awake in a puddle of drool. i can see sunshine! i do the getting up thing, eat breakfast (all of it - i never got to eat my second piece yesterday because of the wasshing machine).

i need to do grocery shopping, and rather than go to the local supermarket in leederville, i decide to ride to woollies in subiaco - about 2km away. as i get out the door it starts raining again. hard. constant. wet.

i wear glasses. it's not good when it rains. it's a pain in the arse. kilian might go so far as to say it's rain in the glass. personally i wouldn't, because saying that kind of think makes people groan, and not in the good way.

so anyway, the road diverges from the train line and i get lost. but i stumble upon this really great park in subi. it's got a lake/pond in the middle, and grass and paths and gardens and pergola-like things around it. and surrounding the whole park is a thin mote which is really a stream and waterfall into the lake. it's really nice, and i'll have to go back there sometime when i'm dry and can see.

do the shopping at woollies. get stuff i need, and some stuff i don't including two packs of bake-at-home cookies - choc chip and mini-M'n'M flavours. yeah! cookie bake tomorrow. shall have to send you guys some!

it's still raining so i decide to catch the train home. this is also a good idea because i'm still soaked and have $60 worth of grocery shopping with me, which makes riding very difficult (i discover this while riding home from the station). At Subi station there is a junk-percussion group playing and singing. they are quite good - much better than the krshnas!! - and some are quite cute, but i'm too laden and wet to bother watching them.

get home, eat lunch (mmm, hummous) and get warm before work. catch a bus from the end of my street to within a few streets of my work. takes a few minutes and it's free! this is cool! i was going to ride in, but just as a get out the door it starts raining. i've already danced to this tune once today, so i pike on the bike.

before i start work i call tommy's phone and speak to tommy, alice, eloise and jenna before they see Shaggy. it was nice to talk to them - i miss you guys ('cos - let's face it - it's pretty much the sydney people i'm writing for. although i am avoiding saying anything harsh or incriminating about perth people, just in case...).

work is good, nice and busy. tony, one of the waiters, gets a $55 tip! makes me think maybe i should work on the floor instead of the bar... nah, i'm over that kind of thing. the bar is where i belong. although it's a shame because the sailors (american navy) are in town this week and all the floor-staff are bound to get heaps of tips. last time they all got a few-hundred each! i begin to wonder if they have sailorettes. anyone seen coyote ugly? i'm thinking of becoming a dancing barman. or possibly a shy non-dancing barman with a talent for songwriting but a massive dose of stage-fright...

Had a few drinks with the closers (people who work until we're closed) after work. there is another huge fight outside the cafe. Tony - the guy who got the big tip - is pouring some red wine for himself and Kim. He's new as well, so he doesn't know that you just pour from whatever is already open. he opens some 'house red' which turns out to be very nice red, at about $57 per bottle. woops! apparently it tastes quite nice...

walk home, avoiding fights and broken glass (the glass was my fault: i dropped some bottles when i was emptying the bottle bin into the recycling bin, and sustained a few cuts in the process). i timed myself, and it's a 14 minute brisk walk.

got home, ate breakfast for dinner, and now i'm all caught up with the blog.

Things I've Learnt: the quokka is way cool - the newspaper that is. i'll be seeing the animal in a few weeks when i go to Rottnest Island.

Rock and Tree of the Day: have i already done rain? it's so prevalent over here, i'm sure i have. okay then... no Quokka is probably too hard, 'cos no-one knows what one is. Alright... Red Wine & Sailor.

news update: did i tell you that i was going south with the karens? wait, let's rephrase that... the karens and i are going down... travelling down to Margaret River and whatever else is south of here - Bunbury maybe? i don't know. so yeah, i'll be gone from the 20th to the 25th of July. Yay, i'm finally doing some touristy stuff (i've been here 2 weeks 2 days and i'm talking about finally? well, with work and stuff i didn't know if i'd be able to do stuff still. plus i'm broke, having spent my last ounces of savings on rent, bond, furniture, more furniture, hostels, lots of food, some bowling... i haven't really been out much yet. out on the town anyway. i was going to go see some bands with little karen on the 18th, but i'll have to cancel that so i can go away for the week instead.) After all, i'm still just a tourist here. My heart is still in Sydney.

Things YOU must do: Go see iOTA. Support live music. Check gig details at www.iota.com.au

COMING SOON: Farewell Party photos, thanks to AJ!

okay, it's been a fairly hectic and busy but not especially interesting to read about few days for me, so i'll give you a quick run-down and add some details where i feel like it:

Wednesday was where i left you - we'd just gotten notice of the acceptance of our approval. sweet...

Day 11: Thursday.
Thursday is free pancake day at the hostel, served in the kitchen between 8 and 9am. This excites me, both for the freeness and the sweet yummy goodness. However, having finished work at midnight the night before and having then eaten dinner and sat in an internet cafe until the wee hours, i sleep in. Darn... i wake up at 9, but decide it's not worth the effort and rush, and manage to sleep in a bit more. Wait... you don't need these details, there's much better stuff ahead, so let's skip the sad-faced brekky act.

I met Kenny and Stu at lunch time to figure out house stuff, like who gets what room and how much we're each paying etc. We go with the $120/$100/$80 split, based on the size of the rooms. I figure at that price i can afford the big room, so we're all going for room #1. We borrow some scissors and cut 3 straws to different lengths, the longest getting the big room.

Stu holds the straws, i decide to draw first. This is uncharacteristic for me, as i'd ordinarily wait until everyone else had drawn and get whatever was left - somehow avoiding my own personal fate and instead being merely a consequence of everyone else's - ie if no-one else was destined to have the big room, then the other two drawing before me would, by an act of god, draw the shorter straws. Therefore i would end up by chance with the longest straw. If, that is, i was not originally destined for the big room... you see my pessimistic nature revealing itself somewhat with this theory.

Today, however, i drew first... and without even looking i could tell which straw i held cupped in my palm. As with most things in my life, mine was the shortest. But at least it fit snugly into my clenched fist...

Kenny got the big room. He was happy. Stu and i were left to fight for room #2...

We decided to flip a coin. It was my coin, so i told stu to call it - see above re: fate - if he called it right, he got the room. Kenny was to be the flipper... He flipped, caught and covered. Stu called 'heads.' Kenny lifted his hand... and dropped the coin. Motherfucker!!

He flipped again. Stu said he always lost at gambling. I internally rejoiced - see above re: fate. Stu called 'tails.' Kenny lifted his hand to reveal... a commemorative 50 (fiddy) cent piece. They turned it over and the other side was heads, so stu got room #2, the medium size. I was a victim of pre-determinism, though with the different combinations of methods and who drew first and called, i'm not sure whose pre-determinism i fell victim to. Oh well, i get the smallest room and consequently the cheapest rent.

Did some other various things - got lunch from my cheap little swiss Miss Maid store - $3.50 for a BLT baguette. Bargain!

Eventually got back to the hostel where i sat and read for a while - High Society by Ben Elton if you must know. I like Ben's novels, because he pretty much always ends down.

Dozed off for a few minutes late in the afternoon, and woke up just in time to get read for work.

Worked. Nothing special.

After work i hung around with the other closers and had a few drinks. 'Twas cool. My first baileys since my party... mmm, so rich and smooth. So sweet and tasty... I'm gonna go all tin-tin (Quentin Tarantino) on you now and skip ahead to tell you that today i finally bought my two 750ml bottles of Baileys for $50. Bargain! And stu got two 1.125L bottles of vodka for $70. Double bargain!

Anyway, cut to Day 12: Friday.
Slept in a bit, thereby missing free breakfast again (i later find out that i have not missed much on this particular day, as only pancake day is special). Go withdraw big wad of cash and go to the estate agents. Meet Stu there, we go through the contract and sign stuff and hand over collective huge wad of cash - $2160 from memory. Humbling...

Wander back through Subi markets, get lunch from Woolies (cheese and bacon rolls with hommous to dip them in... my first non-kebab hommous in far too long!). Go back to hostel and sit in the bbq area to read and eat lunch. A guy is giving haircuts while i'm there... i don't participate, having nothing to lose.

Get ready for work, leave a bit early to spy out places to park my bike for future reference. Work.

Work is allegedly busy, but i have Tino (German guy) helping me on the bar so we handle it all smoothly - the only big coffee orders came around 10:30 when the big tables upstairs all wanted coffee and cakes at once. But other than that it was mostly booze, and there was also a bar upstairs, so it was all sweet. Finished at 1:30am (7 and a half hours without a break - i was quite buggered and really really freaking hungry!), sat around and had a few drinks. One of the girls who works there - Amanda - lives with her brother and wanted to see if he had finished work. I offered to walk her across to see him. He works as a dancer in a gay bar, so i had my first visit to a gay bar in WA. Boy do i feel cosmopolitan! Anyway, he was finishing soon, so i walked her back to the cafe and then ventured back to the hostel. I grabbed my book and sat in the kitchen reading while eating celery sticks dipped in hommous. Healthy dinner, but not especially satisfying or life-sustaining.

Eventually got to bed quite late.

Day 13, unlucky for some:
Woke up in time for the free brekky - toast or cereal (provide your own milk). Cereal consisted of a mix of cheap cornflakes and cheap rice bubbles. Still, sugar goes a long way to making cereal palatable.

Packed up my stuff, checked out, began the 1km or so walk to my new home! However, my ugly stripey bag had put on a bit of weight since i brought it here... it was a slight struggle, but i made it eventually. The sunshine helped. Also, knowing that everything was finally coming together nicely made it all okay.

Got to Cleaver (Stu has decided - after a was talking about boobies tonight - that with the combination of 32A and Cleaver, our house should be nicknamed "Cleavage") where Mel was waiting with my stuff from her house. She couldn't open the front door - work had given her one wrong key. Thankfully she had two sets with her, and the other set had the right key on it. Still, it bade unwell...

Kenny turned up, Mel left. We tried the stove etc - no gas. No gas equals no hot water. Darn, we'd have to see about that...

Called the bed place to see if my mattress was there. It was not. The lady, Leanne, had no idea what i was talking about. She called the warehouse... nada. She said there was definitely nothing in the store, but she'd call around and get back to me. She later called back to say that the bed was missing, but another store had a mattress which was not the same, but of similar quality. Otherwise they'd have to order another one in, which probably wouldn't come until Thursday.

We set off for the homewares etc stores, which is actually not in a patriotically named shopping district, but a suburb called Osbourne Park. Stu had called it Aussie park, hence the confusion i my head.

On Friday i'd called Telstra to get the phone line connected, but the house didn't actually have a phone handset in it. So we went to Cash Converters and i bought an ugly old phone for $10. Then we went around the corner to the Cash Converters Furniture store, where the real bargains began.

Meanwhile, Leanne from the bed place called to say that if i desperately needed a bed i could take hers. That's so sweet! but i said no, i'll check out the other store with the replacement mattress - in Osbourne Park.

I saw a fridge we could use (stu's free fridge wouldn't have fit in the space in the kitchen): 380 litre, 6 month warranty. A bit old and crusty, but with a warranty it was alright. $345 for that. Stu found a 3-piece lounge suite for $299, and Kenny saw a queen bed base for $175 i think. Delivery was $25 flat. We also saw a plastic, outdoor table and chair setting for $100.

But then Pete haggled. We ended up getting the lot for $830 delivered, so basically we each got our thing (fridge, lounge, bed)
plus free delivery and outdoor setting. Bar-freaking-gain!

However, unlucky for some... Kenny agreed to pay the total and we'd pay him back our share. So he tried credit card... declined. tried again, no luck. So he tried savings account. Incorrect PIN. Again, repeat.

So we decided to get to an ATM and get cash out, because Kenny was sure his cards were okay. It was just one of those days. So we left, and it started raining. *sigh*

Shops, Miss Maid again for lunch - this time $2.50 for any baguette. Bargain.

We all got cash out, Kenny's card was okay. Went and bought booze.

Back to Cashies. Turns out the connection on their eftpos machine had come off or something - no apology, just an explanation. Fucker. So we paid cash, stuff being delivered Tuesday morning.

Went to bed place to see my replacement mattress. It was the dodgy blue sun & moon one i saw on the day of the sale - the one where you can feel the springs through it. Not good. The ladyu said it was the same quality, same price, just different manufacturer. But i didn't like it. Called the first place again, told them i want my bed. They said they'd call me monday and tell me when i can have it. I'd better fucking get something free from them if i can't get a bed until next weekend. Fuckers!!

We bought a rug for the lounge-room floor, some cutlery, 100 tealight candles, and a few other things. Came home. Stu had called the gas company to find out what to do about gas. The recorded message said look at your gas main and follow the instructions on the tag. Spent the next 30 minutes looking for it... i eventually found it out the front of the house. Got gas turned on, water heater lit. Yay!

Although we have gas, it turns out the oven is electric. Odd...

Niced the place up a bit (i had no bed to make, so i watched stu construct his futon), then got ready to go out.

Went out, saw GUD (Paul McDermott's new hardcore cabaret show - ie music and comedy). It was good. They crowd surfed, all the way up to the balcony section of seating. I finally met Sarah's boyfriend. People can now speculate and rumoulate (i just made that word up!) about something else.

Hayley was hanging around with the guys from Gud, Sarah et al were partying on at Karen's, but i figured it would be too hard to get home from anywhere, so i walked home. I am now lying on the floor/my bed drinking unchilled baileys without ice. Still, it's nice.

I hope my luck has changed...

Things i've learnt: Both my managers are gay, and the owner is racist.

Rock and Tree of the Day: Wad & Gas

Hey, we got approved for the Cleaver St townhouse!! Shit yeah! This is going to be so damn cool. We'll probably have a housewarming in a few weeks, and you're all invited of course!

Anyway, not a whole lot else to say. First day at work today - it was pretty cruisy 'cos it was quiet. But that also meant it was a bit boring. But oh well, it's a 'wet' bar, as they say, so i get to play with alcohol... i feel so damn cool. Okay, so i'm girly innocent and naive, but it's still fun.

So, after a long shift i walked around the corner (in the rain), got dinner, and went back to my own freakin' bed in my own freakin' room with a freakin' door and everything!! Okay, so it's just in a hostel, and the room's about as big as the bed plus walking space, and it smells funny, but it's still my own little space - at least for the next 3 days until i move into a swanky freakin' townhouse!

I bought incense today and it's cheap fucking crap! It's all soggy and unsmelly... you know how incense has a great, strong, earthy smell even before you burn it? Not so this one... dodgy Perth crap.

I've found this nice kebab place too, just around the corner from my work - it's called Lafka's or something - reminds me of Andy Kaufman's foreign man, but that's another story... Yeah, the chicken kebab / souvlaki hings aren't carved from a slab of chicken on a pole, but it's actually breast fillets or something cooked just for your order... it's yummy. i hope it's healthy!

So now i'm sitting in a net cafe with a SHIT keyboard *thump thump thump on the keys*, barefoot in the rain. Gotta love it!

Things i've learned: how to make blue cocktails.

Rock and Tree of the Day: Incense & Chicken

Day 9:

Not the most interesting day, so we’ll resort to point form:

- slept in.
- wrote some blog.
- got invited over to Karen’s house where she and Sarah were hanging out.
- adjusted my bike a bit – the handlebars were upside down and too low. Borrowed Owen’s tools to fix them
- Mel came home for lunch – got a lift to Subiaco with her, rather than walk to the station.
- Trained to Karen’s. Karen and Sarah were out at the shops, to return soon. Gareth (Karen’s housemate, Sarah’s friend, Sarah’s boyfriend’s brother, a manager at Sarah’s work) was pulling apart and testing Sarah’s mum’s computer, so I sat watching him and made small-talk.
- Karen and Sarah returned with a video: Bubble Boy. We watched it – it was damned funny! Bright and Shiny…
- Went back into Perth – had ordered in size 7½ boots, had to try them on. Did so, liked them, purchased them. Also bought some bike-related stuff – helmet, brakes, security chain.
- Had a ‘house meeting’ with Stu and Kenny – got some things sorted re: appliances etc. Have decided that disputes about who will get what room will be decided by the flip of a coin. No objection to the pool-table idea. Did I write about that? I had an idea the other day: instead of spending a whole bunch of money on a dining suite, why not spend a lot of money on a second-hand pool table and put a wooden cover or something on it. Then we have party house! Stu liked, Kenny didn’t mind.
- Came home – Mel has locked her keys in her car. Blah blah blah, still not a Rove fan, blah blah… ate KFC for dinner. My body now officially hates me. Why is Lisa McCune doing Coles ads? The Sketch Show is over, TV means nothing anymore… except Monday nights when Shaun Micallef graces our screens. By the way, as previously mentioned TV is 2 hours late here, so if you miss something give me a call and I’ll see what I can do. Except Friday night football, which sadly is AFL over here. This makes me grumpy…
- Called NJ and she didn’t hang up on me, so that’s nice.

Things I’ve learned today: there’s a good reason I ordinarily avoid KFC.

Rock and Tree of the Day: Boot & Bubble.

Day 8:

Well I woke up this morning… and it was raining… yeah it was raining… oh raining like hell. Okay, that’s enough blues singing for now…

It was windy and wet and all sorts of miserable. It was almost a while squall, except without the Scott Wolf. A Perfect Storm without the Marky Mark. A Gone with the Wind without the not giving a damn… yeah. I looked out the window (really a glass sliding door, but it did the same job of letting me look through walls) and it was quite horrid-looking. Luckily for me I didn’t need to be anywhere soon.

Oh, I forgot to tell you about the storms here. I was walking home on Saturday night, and there were these massive flashes of lightning. It was so bright, but no big satisfying thunder or anything.

But Sunday… when I was in the bed place there was a thunderstorm right overhead. About three times there was a flash of lightning right overhead and thunder straight away – I think the lightning could even have been hitting the building (‘cos there was a big steel globe sculpture on the roof, so I’m guessing it had a lightning rod in it or something). It was so cool. I love storms when I’m dry and know I’m not going to die.

Anyway, what did I do Monday? Oh, that’s right. I ventured into Perth city yet again. Stu hadn’t been home Saturday night, and he was supposed to give me the Cleaver application form so I could fill in my bit and give it to Mel, who it may be remembered works for the real estate agent managing the property. So I went to get the form from him during his lunch break. Then I went shopping to get a cheap stripey ugly shopping bag (you know, the square ones with the zip – they’re so tacky) because of work. You see, I’m taking the Valentino job, and will be working nights until close, which is midnight weekdays and 1 or 2am weekends. Trains finish at midnight here so rather than try to get back to Wembley (Mel’s house) I figured I’d stay in a hostel for a few nights before I move in to Cleaver, because it’s just around the corner and I’ll get my own bed and can leave my shit lying around. It’s a good plan. So rather than try to empty a bag to repack or take all my stuff with me, I thought I’d take a cheap tacky piece of shit. Hence the purchase of a $1.50 ugly bag. Get it? Got it. Good. Also bought more cargo pants – black ones so I can wear them at work.

Came home. Got comfy and sat down with the Quokka to look for bargains. Saw an ad for a $20 bike. I saw that it was in a close suburb, called, and it was still there. So I got uncomfy again and set off. Now, there’s a bus stop right outside this place, and the bus goes into Perth. However, at the times I most need to get a bus there’s none for that entire hour – so between 12:30 and 2:30 there’s nothing, ditto 3:30 and 5:30. Fucked or what? So I made the long walk back to the station.

Got the bike – hey, it was $20! Bargain! I really wanted a mountain bike, ‘cos that’s what I’m used to, but this was a 10 speed racing bike. So it’s not ideal but it’ll do for now. It’s better than walking, plus you can take them on the train for free – none of this stupid CityRail buying a child ticket.

‘Cos it was on her side of the river, I rode down to Karen’s house and said "hey, help me celebrate getting a job." She had to go to self-defense classes, but said I could hang around and we’d do something later. Her lift to self-defense – Tessa – was late, so they got to class after it started and piked and came home. Then Nick also got home. Then Kaz eventually turned up and we headed out – Me, two Karens, a Tessa, and a Nick. We decided on bowling, which was fun. Kaz is funny – she throws the ball, much like a side-arm baseball pitch. It looks painful, but it was a good enough technique for bumper bowling. My technique – imitating the others and generally being silly – was good enough to place me in the top 6.

Then we went in search of food, and eventually found Maccas. I feel so dirty, but it got me fed.

Drove up to King’s Park, which is a massive park on the hill next to the city. It’s got a great view of Perth and South Perth on the other side of the Swan River. Very beautiful, especially with the fog which sat upon everything like a fat lady’s rolls on the arms of a theatre seat. Whoever comes to visit me should be taken to King’s Park. Sweet? Sweet.

It was cold, so we didn’t hang around long. Went back to Karen’s, got my bike and caught the last train to Perth, then the last train from Perth to Glendalough. Even though I didn’t have a helmet I rode home. Even for one journey it was worth the $20. And that’s without lights or decent brakes. Yay for mobility!

And that just about wraps it up for this financial year… not all that exciting really was it? But oh well, you just had to read it. I had to live through it and write about it. So don’t bloody whinge to me that every day in Perth hasn’t been su-fucking-perb.

Things I’ve learned: cheap bikes are cool. Also, a Karens insult: get knotted. I like it, it’s just wrong enough to work. Also, I think I heard Karen say that something was ‘munted’… again, I think you get the gist without any specific understanding.

Rock and Tree of the Day: Bicycle & Storm.

Day 6 –

The weekend is here. But rather than non-stop parties and drunken debauchery, the weekend brings endless walking through the rain and homeware specials. But let’s start at the beginning…

Saturday, early. I get up, do the getting ready thing (you’ve all mimed it for theatresports, so you know what it entails). Head into Perth, where I meet up with stu to look at more houses – you see, things have changed. Apparently Cris’ girlfriend has put in an application for a place way south, even though Cris hasn’t looked at the place… so much for being picky. But nonetheless, we rule him out as a potential and call upon our good friend Kenny. We really want this Cleaver Street place (the swanky 3-bedroom townhouse) so we organise for Mel to show us the place again when Kenny is there. But before then, Stu and I go in search of a fallback plan, in case Kenny isn’t so keen.

I had organised for us to look at a 3-bedroom place at 11, but we decide that if Kenny wants to move, he’ll love the Cleaver St place, so we don’t need a 3br fallback. So we cancel that one. It’s pissing down in Perth, so we instead head into the city to the army disposal store and I buy myself a lovely green waterproof jacket. Stu tries on one of those clear plastic anorak things, and the lady tries to sell me a lovely bright yellow plastic jacket – "all the fishermen love these!" – but I stick to my guns and consequently call much less attention to myself in public than I otherwise would.

We head to a 2br apartment in the West Perth area, but it’s a dingy little place. There’s nothing actually wrong with it, but it’s just really nothing special. The layout kind of goes kitchen/living room, then there’s a door off to the side and that’s the laundry/toilet/shower¹ and the bedrooms are on either side of that… wierd, huh? I’m telling you, it is!

So we scrap that place, and go look at another place. This place is the shit – it’s a ‘semi-detached’ I guess you’d call it, in a little complex thing. You know, there’s the driveway and lots of separate buildings around that… Anyway, the place is a 2br fully-furnished. It’s a really great place, even if the furnishing leave a little to be desired – it’s got those old wooden display shelfy things with the really thin delicate legs and stuff. Not exactly bachelor-pad material… but in my bedroom (the smaller one, of course) there’s this great old writing desk – inspiration-fodder. It’s got the bedrooms and bathroom (pretty dodgy, and the only toilet in the house, but it’ll do) upstairs, and the kithen, lounge etc downstairs. So it’s good for when some people want to sleep and others want to party. And there’s a great little courtyard out the back which wraps around to the side… really nice. We’ve found our fallback plan!

We meet up with Kenny and Mel, show Kenny the Cleaver. He likes it… not completely sold yet, but he’s interested. He fills in his section of the application form just in case.

I think Stu and I now head to Leederville for lunch (Kenny had to go to work). Leederville has a funky little strip, which reminded Stu of "Newtown, only smaller." I suggested maybe Glebe, and Stu said yes, that’s pretty much what Glebe was anyway. Anyway, had lunch in a funky little café to fill our tummy’s and dry off.

Then we got homosexual… well, not in a jamming each other up the a-hole kind of way, but we looked in homewares stores.

We headed to Australia Square or some patriotically named area, where all the big stores are. We looked at rugs (Cleaver has tiled floors, and we need to stay warm in this cold WA winter), beds, futons, white-goods… I stopped stu before he wanted to look at curtains, because I didn’t want to go too far on our first outing.

Anyway, then I headed home (back to Karen’s house) and took my stuff back to Mel’s, because Nick and Gareth were both home again and I was being kicked out. Went through my stuff and finally found all my work stuff – it was packed away ‘cos I didn’t expect to be working this soon. And then…

To work. Had a trial at Morrison (not sure if it’s one ‘s’ or two…)’s Jazz & Blues Café. How cool is that? It was quiet… not a whole lot to report on the place I don’t think. There was a live band – a guy with an acoustic guitar and voice, and another guy on blues harp. They were good, but the pub across the road had a full live band complete with Elvis impersonations. Adam, the manager there, is really nice. He kind of reminds me of iOTA, in looks at least. Especially his smile. It’s cool. Don’t worry, I’m not still gay at this stage – I had a shower. And the chef and kitchen-hand were nice too. But it was fairly quiet. He offered me the job, but it’s only Friday and Saturday nights… 2 shifts a week probably wouldn’t pay the rent.

Oh wow, I saw a girl on the train last night (Monday night) and knew I recognised her from somewhere, but couldn’t pick it… I just realised how I knew her – she was the first table of customers I had at Morrisons! How bizarre. Perth is a small town!

Finished work at 10 and went up the road to get some food. Got a kebab/souvlaki thing and sat in front of the fire and flicked through the Quokka (WA’s version of the Trading Post. On Rottnest Island they’ve got these little rodent things – big rats really – called Quokkas… I’ll go see them one day and let you know all about them) and also read my book for a while – thanks Al J .

I saw Nick on my way back to the station – told you it was a small town – and went home without further incident. People here at Mel’s had gone to bed when I got home, so I curled up on the couch and slept the sleep of someone who’s walked all around Perth in the rain, worked for a few hours, walked home in the cold, and is curled up on a futon with a curious kitten.

Day 7 –

Sunday. Do the get-up thing. Try to make tea, but there’s not a tea-bag in the house! This would never happen if Sarah still lived here…

Head into Perth yet again, SMS stu to tell him I’m there (we only tentatively arranged a meeting time and place). Lucky I did, ‘cos I think that’s what woke him up…

Stu had had a big night on the town on Saturday. Booze bus pub crawl type thing… crashed at a girl’s house (Jen I think… a potential new g/f). He turned up in his swanky clothes from the night before, without the address of the place we were supposed to see or the number of the agent. Woops! Oh, I should explain… Stu had called about another property the day before, and we had organised to see it today – fallback plan B.

Stu remember the street the place was on, so we got a cab to that street. Then, by a process of elimination, stu vaguely remembered numbers and I cross-referenced with numbers we’d already looked at and we got the right number. It was rather trippy though, because the complex was almost exactly the same design as the fallback place yesterday. As Keanu would say… "woah."

So yeah, fallback 2 was the same internally as fallback 1, except it was unfurnished. The courtyard was only on one side of the house, but it faced north and east so it’d be nice and sunny. It was a little less secure, ‘cos it had no fence at the front. But hey, it was unfurnished and didn’t have a smell… Fallback 2 became fallback 1, and at only $215 per week.

All three plans are within about a block of each other too, so it’s cool. This paragraph doesn’t really fit within the narrative flow, but I thought I’d add it here rather than go back to yesterday and say that fallback 1 was in the street right opposite Cleaver. It would have been nice to say yesterday, but hey! I’m writing this Tuesday so there’s every excuse to get minor details wrong…

Stu’s aunt had told him there was a half-price sale at a bed place. It’s right across the freeway from Cleaver, so we wandered over. It’s in a big complex with a big globe on top with "City West" written on it, so I’m guessing that’s what the place is called. We walked in, and there were mattresses strewn all over the mall. It was cool… like walking behind the hero in the trenches of a bad war movie, with all the bodies lying on either side of the trench and people tending to them. A bit like that anyway.

Do you want to hear my story about annoying sales techniques? I’ll give you the abridged (read: broken english) version:

Me looking for double bed. Most beds queen. Me find double mattress, very very cheap. Me say to lady "me like bed." She say "taken, look at this bed." This bed more expensive, but nice. Me say "any cheaper?" she say "no". But queen cheaper, me try queen, me like queen. Me think, get queen. But then me think will cost more to buy sheets etc for queen that difference between double and queen, ‘cos me already have sheets and doona for double. Me say I take double… man come to me, say "we can make queen in double, cheap for you - $179." Me leap and say "I take! Can I pick up Saturday?" Man say "yes". Me pay for mattress, other lady try to say pick up from warehouse. Me say I live just across there, me be carrying mattress, no want to walk from warehouse. She say "well… okay" but not happy. Me no care, me have mattress and no have to pay $30 for delivery, use strong arms instead. Bargain!

Then stu go home ‘cos stu stinky – need shower and sleep. Well, we get food first, then stu go home. Wait… okay, prose is back.

So I hung around Perth for a while, because I had another trial at 6pm and didn’t want to walk all the way from Glendalough station to Mel’s house. I was wearing my work shoes, ‘cos my other shoes were soaked from the day before, I figured it would be easier just to go straight to work. So I had about 4 hours to kill.

I did something I’m ashamed of… I went shopping. I know, I know… but I did say maybe I should be gay in Perth. But it was okay… I put a set of saucepans etc on lay-by, so I can pick them up on Saturday (they were on special). Then I found a cheap set of dumbells which I’ll come back for once I’ve got a place to take them to.

Oh yeah, I got a call from the Moon Café – the place next to Sarah’s work – asking me if I’d like a trial on Tuesday. Cool huh?

Perth station charges people to use the toilet. It’s fucked! I went in there, ‘cos it’s also a ‘rest area’ and I thought I could sit there and read for a while. But there were a bunch of indigents sleeping on the chairs, so I rethought. I got changed into work clothes and set off in search of a place to waste an hour and a half.

I went back to the state library and sat in a comfy chair to read. All good, but a few minutes later a guy came and sat next to me. He started talking to a lady about smoking (well, actually he tried to bum a ciggy, and she said she’d quit, and he tried to tell her that was a bad thing). He didn’t bother me verbally, but he was stinky and was breathing loudly, so I packed up my book and wandered off again…

By the way it was still raining so that’s why I didn’t sit outside, in case you were wondering. I walked past the self-cleaning toilet near the station – it’s free too. I’ve used it a couple of times now, and it’s nothing special except everything’s automated – there’s even a button to lower the toilet seat!

I eventually decided to sit in a café and drink tea and eat a biscuit to pass the time. It was pleasant.

Then I went to my trial at Valentino. It’s a big place in a bright blue building. It’s cool… reminds me a bit of In Denial in Glebe – just the paintwork. What to say about this place… it’s big, people are friendly (and there’s a lot of them), the manager is gay, the other manager is french, I get free reign of the bar, which also does booze. It’s nice. They offer me the job. I say I’ll get back to them, have to check out the Moon first. They think I’m a werewolf, I explain no… the café. They think that’s funny, ‘cos the Moon’s full of wierd gothic people, and I won’t want to work there. I say I’ll go visit, get back to you.

Go visit the Moon – it’s a funky little place, which reminds me of somewhere I can’t quite place right now. But it’s small, and I already have an offer of almost full-time work. I call Sarah and ask her opinion, and she says to go with Valentino, ‘cos it’s cool. So I cancel my trial at Moon. I go back to Morrison’s and tell Adam that I’ll be taking the Valentino job. He’s disappointed, but understands. He says if I quit or get fired to come back and see him. I may go see him soon, actually, ‘cos he has a drumkit he doesn’t use…

Get take-away asian food (always risky, but what the hey?) and go home. Long walk, but on the way I stop at the servo and get more cordial and some tea!!

Go home, do night-time stuff (do we ever see ‘getting ready for bed’ in theatresports? Perhaps it’s time we did…). Sleep the sleep of someone who’s tired but damn proud: One week in Perth and I’ve got funky friends (on both sides of the country), a job, hopefully a house, a bed, and repressed homosexual tendencies…²

Things I’ve learned: You have to pay to piss in Perth, which may be why a lot of doorways smell of urine.

Rock and Tree of the Day: Book & Homosexual








1. Incidentally, WC means water-closet – which is just a room with a toilet. Powder-room is the name given to a room with toilet and sink, and a bathroom means that plus a shower I think… so elegant.

2. Okay, so one of these may not be completely true…